2 years...

Yesterday was Romeo’s 2 year deathiversary. If you follow me on Instagram, you will likely have seen all the memories and reflections I shared from that time period. It’s as painful as last year and 2 years ago.

Mia, our surviving dog, woke me up far too early for a Saturday so I had a lot of daylight with my mourning. I expected to stay in for the day. By the afternoon, my partner suggested that we go for nature time to Birds Hill Park. I relented as it was a beautiful day for winter.

Trudging through the snow made me reflect on how much Romeo loved winter. “He would have really enjoyed this,” I thought to myself. Between the snow’s depth, not too cold weather, and smell of trees, it would have been a delight for him. His spirit gets to experience these with me.

Sometimes you need to lie down in the forest with your grief. Feel the earth supporting you. You and your grief are not too heavy for her to bear. The power of your grief is not intimidating to her.

And sometimes nature shows you a broken heart in return. “I know this pain, too,” she says.

A well meaning relative said too many platitudes to me far too early in my grief including, “It won’t hurt this bad forever.” 2 years later and she’s wrong. It does still hurt that badly.

I was gifted a book of poetry called Crushed Wild Mint by Jess Housty for my birthday. It’s one I come back to again and again because I appreciate the land-based grief. I would like to share this quote with you:

“As I stand up and speak
to my good work in this life,
I will continue to gesture
to the space where you once stood
beside me;
this is to acknowledge
the strength you have given me.”

~Jess Housty